Lola Nidora and Tatay Digong

Recently in the news, a police officer was derided after having been caught sleeping on the job while a group of youth were engaged in a spirited gang war nearby. Said officer was suspended, and deservedly so. As for the parents of the underaged gang members, they were seen crying on national TV saying they can no longer control their own children.

Gone were the days when the enforcement of discipline and the instruction of right behavior falls within the province of the home. We now look to the government to make sure our children are disciplined. We have made a society that is rich ground for the success of any self-styled candidate who's made it his sole responsibility to enforce discipline on behalf of all fathers, mothers, lolos and lolas everywhere. We are convinced that it is discipline this nation needs, and that discipline it must get. Not from strong parental units however, but from the archetypal strongman from Davao - enrobed with the awesome powers of the State - the policeman who shall never sleep.

But suppose for a moment he slumbers? With all the expectations we place squarely on his shoulders, is he not bound to disappoint? Who must we blame then?

Is there any wonder we are fascinated with the character of the crusading villainess-heroine in the person of Lola Nidora? The character who single-handedly insists that her own ward and granddaughter follow the strictest Filipino values and traditional virtues. Have we lost our Lola Nidoras in our own families? Have we become so weak ourselves that we cannot be strong even for our own loved ones?

The family still is the basic unit of society. It is in the family that personal responsibility is expected and demanded. We must all work for strong families above all, or personal responsibility will weaken, and we continue to have a society all too willing to abdicate responsibility to an imperfect government.

Sarah and the Faithfulness of God

Even before Banne and I got married, we have been actively involved in Church ministry. We were DGroup Leaders and helped in the Singles Ministry, the Prayer Ministry, the Media Ministry and now the Sunday Event Ministry. As singles before, and now as a married couple, we have seen for ourselves the faithfulness of the Lord in every area of our life.

But absolutely nothing could have prepared us for what we had to go through last year, after a blissful year of married life. After a short out-of-town vacation, Banne and I got the news that started it all. We were pregnant. I was in Marriott then as a volunteer when my wife called me to tell me I was a father. I was laughing and crying at the same time. I was very happy and I felt like telling everyone about it.

Pretty soon, we went through the whole pregnancy rituals. Buying unripe mangoes on the way home from work became too frequent, it was almost ridiculous. Sometimes, she would get cravings at night for spaghetti with lots of ketchup, and I, like every father who went before me, would happily oblige her and fulfill my sacred paternal duties. It was your normal, happy pregnancy for both Banne and me. Until the third trimester came.

During the later part of the pregnancy, routine ultrasounds revealed that Banne had a condition called polyhydramios, which meant she is retaining too much amniotic fluid. This was an indication that there might be something wrong with our baby. The sonographer suspected that our baby, who was just a 7-month old developing fetus during that time, may have Skeletal Dysplasia.

Skeletal Dysplasia is a term for abnormal conditions with over 300 specific cases related to incorrectly formed skeletal systems. Some of these cases include dwarfism and other types of physical deformities. At its worst, a fetus with Skeletal Dysplasia may not survive hours after the delivery in cases when the baby’s lungs are impaired.

What does one think after being told of this? How can one sit through the doctor’s dull meditation of your baby’s abnormalities – medical terms humming loudly like a machine you cannot switch off. When for months we have expected life, how does a parent’s heart prepare for the very real possibility of expecting death?

Well, we prayed. Our DGroup, friends, and family also prayed with us. We prayed because we knew there was nothing left to do but to fall on our knees and cling to our Heavenly Father. Certainly, there were many occassions in the past that called for prayer, but this time it was different. There in Banne’s tummy was a person we had never met and yet we loved so dearly. There was a baby whose every part is a part of us. The Lord will surely not let this happen. Not to our child.

After a few weeks, a second ultrasound was done. Different machine, different doctor. Still confirming Skeletal Dysplasia.

It was at this point that I fasted. I felt that if I could ever lead Banne through this difficult time, I will need to be strong. And the only way I know how to be strong, was to be weak and vulnerable before God. There were many things the Lord taught me during that time of fasting. But one thing I will never forget is this: That He will have His way and His way is the best. I may not understand why He will allow some things to happen, but His way is best. Coming out of that fast, I knew I worshiped a God I cannot put in a box, or put on a leash like a dog. He is a God who is in control. And I am a man who is not.

Banne was comforted by Psalm 145:9, “The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.” I am truly blessed to be married to such a woman. During this ordeal, she has proven to be the strongest person I have ever known. She not for once gave up to pray that the Lord will have compassion on our baby. When I had read every internet article there is about dwarfism, she would just smile at me, close her eyes and put her hand on her tummy. She will not succumb to hopelessness of the situation. She has placed her trust on her God.

It was now time for a third ultrasound. This time, we went through a third hospital – different machine, different doctor. We were hopeful for good news. But there was none that day. Same findings, Skeletal Dysplasia.

At this point, we gave our baby to God. This is an excerpt of Banne’s letter to her sister:

We are very sad, sometimes we cry at the end of the day when we are about to sleep. But the Lord is our refuge and ever-present help in trouble. And He has the best plan for our baby. Even if He decides to take our baby away immediately, then we have one more reason to look forward to heaven. When I think of this then I have no more reason to feel sad.

On October 6, 2013, Banne went to labor. Like all other fathers that went before me, I waited as my wife labored for a good part of the day. Finally at 3:30 in the afternoon, I got a call from Tito Pat. His wife, Dra. Melicor, our pediatrician who received our baby, had told him the news. My wife had a delivered a healthy baby girl with no indication of any Skeletal Dysplasia.

At first, I could not understand the words he was saying. But I found myself running towards the nursery with tears streaming down my face. When I finally saw our baby, I could not believe what the Lord has done. There is no other feeling like it, the feeling of joyful disbelief. Maybe that was how miracles felt like.

That day, we named our baby Sarah. You will remember from the Bible that Sarah was Abraham’s wife. At her very advanced age, the Lord promised her that she will bear a child. Seeing the reality of her situation, and knowing full well it was impossible, she laughed. She knew some things were in the realm of impossibility, and God may not be able to pull this through for her. But she forgot about one thing, that God is ever faithful. To Sarah the wife of Abraham, and now to our little Sarah, God is doing the same thing: Making miracles and proving His faithfulness.

But that is not where our story ends.

Immediately after her birth, we found out that Sarah had a hole in the vein leading to her heart. The hole may close on its own after six months, or she may have to undergo surgery so that the doctors can close it. So there we were again with the waiting and the uncertainty. A lot of prayers from our DGroup, family, and friends went into the next six months. We celebrated her every monthsary and seeing how healthy and happy she was growing, we had reason to hope that her condition has resolved on its own. At her sixth month checkup, the doctors found out that hole did not close but in fact became a little bit bigger. It was time for surgery.

During this time, people kept asking us how we we were. To be honest, we were worried and discouraged, but we also knew that the same God who pulled us through before will certainly be faithful to pull us through this time around. We cannot explain the peace of minds and hearts that enveloped us. Indeed, it was the  kind of peace that transcended understanding.

Giving little Sarah to the doctors as they prep her for surgery was the hardest thing we ever had to go through. But we also knew she was in the Lord’s hands. During her surgery, Banne and I went out for a good breakfast – our first real date in six months. We went back to a recovering Sarah. It was a successful operation. God has done it again.

The times of looking back and remembering the faithfulness of the Lord allow Banne and me to be confident of the future. Our story does not end here either. We do not know what the future holds, but we know who holds the future. Our ever loving God, compassionate, in control, forever faithful. Amen.