Sarah and the Faithfulness of God

Even before Banne and I got married, we have been actively involved in Church ministry. We were DGroup Leaders and helped in the Singles Ministry, the Prayer Ministry, the Media Ministry and now the Sunday Event Ministry. As singles before, and now as a married couple, we have seen for ourselves the faithfulness of the Lord in every area of our life.

But absolutely nothing could have prepared us for what we had to go through last year, after a blissful year of married life. After a short out-of-town vacation, Banne and I got the news that started it all. We were pregnant. I was in Marriott then as a volunteer when my wife called me to tell me I was a father. I was laughing and crying at the same time. I was very happy and I felt like telling everyone about it.

Pretty soon, we went through the whole pregnancy rituals. Buying unripe mangoes on the way home from work became too frequent, it was almost ridiculous. Sometimes, she would get cravings at night for spaghetti with lots of ketchup, and I, like every father who went before me, would happily oblige her and fulfill my sacred paternal duties. It was your normal, happy pregnancy for both Banne and me. Until the third trimester came.

During the later part of the pregnancy, routine ultrasounds revealed that Banne had a condition called polyhydramios, which meant she is retaining too much amniotic fluid. This was an indication that there might be something wrong with our baby. The sonographer suspected that our baby, who was just a 7-month old developing fetus during that time, may have Skeletal Dysplasia.

Skeletal Dysplasia is a term for abnormal conditions with over 300 specific cases related to incorrectly formed skeletal systems. Some of these cases include dwarfism and other types of physical deformities. At its worst, a fetus with Skeletal Dysplasia may not survive hours after the delivery in cases when the baby’s lungs are impaired.

What does one think after being told of this? How can one sit through the doctor’s dull meditation of your baby’s abnormalities – medical terms humming loudly like a machine you cannot switch off. When for months we have expected life, how does a parent’s heart prepare for the very real possibility of expecting death?

Well, we prayed. Our DGroup, friends, and family also prayed with us. We prayed because we knew there was nothing left to do but to fall on our knees and cling to our Heavenly Father. Certainly, there were many occassions in the past that called for prayer, but this time it was different. There in Banne’s tummy was a person we had never met and yet we loved so dearly. There was a baby whose every part is a part of us. The Lord will surely not let this happen. Not to our child.

After a few weeks, a second ultrasound was done. Different machine, different doctor. Still confirming Skeletal Dysplasia.

It was at this point that I fasted. I felt that if I could ever lead Banne through this difficult time, I will need to be strong. And the only way I know how to be strong, was to be weak and vulnerable before God. There were many things the Lord taught me during that time of fasting. But one thing I will never forget is this: That He will have His way and His way is the best. I may not understand why He will allow some things to happen, but His way is best. Coming out of that fast, I knew I worshiped a God I cannot put in a box, or put on a leash like a dog. He is a God who is in control. And I am a man who is not.

Banne was comforted by Psalm 145:9, “The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.” I am truly blessed to be married to such a woman. During this ordeal, she has proven to be the strongest person I have ever known. She not for once gave up to pray that the Lord will have compassion on our baby. When I had read every internet article there is about dwarfism, she would just smile at me, close her eyes and put her hand on her tummy. She will not succumb to hopelessness of the situation. She has placed her trust on her God.

It was now time for a third ultrasound. This time, we went through a third hospital – different machine, different doctor. We were hopeful for good news. But there was none that day. Same findings, Skeletal Dysplasia.

At this point, we gave our baby to God. This is an excerpt of Banne’s letter to her sister:

We are very sad, sometimes we cry at the end of the day when we are about to sleep. But the Lord is our refuge and ever-present help in trouble. And He has the best plan for our baby. Even if He decides to take our baby away immediately, then we have one more reason to look forward to heaven. When I think of this then I have no more reason to feel sad.

On October 6, 2013, Banne went to labor. Like all other fathers that went before me, I waited as my wife labored for a good part of the day. Finally at 3:30 in the afternoon, I got a call from Tito Pat. His wife, Dra. Melicor, our pediatrician who received our baby, had told him the news. My wife had a delivered a healthy baby girl with no indication of any Skeletal Dysplasia.

At first, I could not understand the words he was saying. But I found myself running towards the nursery with tears streaming down my face. When I finally saw our baby, I could not believe what the Lord has done. There is no other feeling like it, the feeling of joyful disbelief. Maybe that was how miracles felt like.

That day, we named our baby Sarah. You will remember from the Bible that Sarah was Abraham’s wife. At her very advanced age, the Lord promised her that she will bear a child. Seeing the reality of her situation, and knowing full well it was impossible, she laughed. She knew some things were in the realm of impossibility, and God may not be able to pull this through for her. But she forgot about one thing, that God is ever faithful. To Sarah the wife of Abraham, and now to our little Sarah, God is doing the same thing: Making miracles and proving His faithfulness.

But that is not where our story ends.

Immediately after her birth, we found out that Sarah had a hole in the vein leading to her heart. The hole may close on its own after six months, or she may have to undergo surgery so that the doctors can close it. So there we were again with the waiting and the uncertainty. A lot of prayers from our DGroup, family, and friends went into the next six months. We celebrated her every monthsary and seeing how healthy and happy she was growing, we had reason to hope that her condition has resolved on its own. At her sixth month checkup, the doctors found out that hole did not close but in fact became a little bit bigger. It was time for surgery.

During this time, people kept asking us how we we were. To be honest, we were worried and discouraged, but we also knew that the same God who pulled us through before will certainly be faithful to pull us through this time around. We cannot explain the peace of minds and hearts that enveloped us. Indeed, it was the  kind of peace that transcended understanding.

Giving little Sarah to the doctors as they prep her for surgery was the hardest thing we ever had to go through. But we also knew she was in the Lord’s hands. During her surgery, Banne and I went out for a good breakfast – our first real date in six months. We went back to a recovering Sarah. It was a successful operation. God has done it again.

The times of looking back and remembering the faithfulness of the Lord allow Banne and me to be confident of the future. Our story does not end here either. We do not know what the future holds, but we know who holds the future. Our ever loving God, compassionate, in control, forever faithful. Amen.

Songs of Generations

My wife and I spend endless hours analyzing song lyrics. We are weird that way. Ravi Zacharias said if we really want to understand the thoughts and feelings of a generation, we turn to its poets not its philosophers. He is right of course. And the poets of our times are all in Spotify.

Way back in the 90's we had our alternative rock, and our bands saved us from the emotional self-flagellation of adolescence. Or maybe they provided the flagellum? Personally, it was all about Incubus. Even now when I hear the harrowing intro to Wish You Were Here, I still feel the dull pain of my lashes. I also turn into an insufferable person who uses phrase like "dull pain of my lashes".

Then there was the steady stream of boy bands and girl bands and divas. They all blend into one mushy testosterone-estrogen slushie ready to quench your most lusty thirst. They all preached sex, and MTV was their pulpit. We were an eager congregation, and we lapped down whatever they offered -- "Oops, I did it again", "I'll make love to you, like I always do", "Can I sex you up? Yeah.. yeah.." When I first heard Blue's Fly By , I felt like I could conquer the city. It didn't matter then that I couldn't "drive by in the low ride, hands high when we fly by".

This generation's old it girl seems to be Taylor Swift. She is cheesy, obvious, sappy, but oh so honest. I've long ago been fascinated by Love Story, and I am convinced she was having a religious experience when she wrote this song. She begs for salvation from her Romeo, expresses faith and doubt in him, and ultimately gets rewarded by getting to choose a white dress. Taylor Swift could very well be the high priestess to our modern day temple to Aphrodite.

The it girl title seems to now have been bestowed upon one Ellie Goulding. She is English, blonde, and has a nice textured voice. I am absolutely dig her song Lights. However, as in many songs approaching the EDM genre, I could not hear the lyrics. Nothing like a quick Google search couldn't fix. Here's the chorus:

You show the lights that stop me turn to stone
You shine it when I'm alone
And so I tell myself that I'll be strong
And dreaming when they're gone

I'd love to spend hours, nay days, with my wife analyzing these words. But the truth is, I don't think it means anything. The rest of the song also does not lend clues to its meaning. The singer just seemed to be bothered by a lot of memories, voices in her head and yes, lights. It has a fun upbeat tempo but with words that are absolutely meaningless.

Much like this generation, I suppose.

The Stubborn Rose

OK, I think I might have killed a plant. Here is the full account, your honor.

Last time, I shared how I successfully grew basils. After that, I became extra brave and decided to conquer the difficult world of ornamentals. I sacrificed quite a sum from my monthly allowance to buy a bunch of flowering plants from a nearby seller. I could probably have gotten them cheaper if I followed my wife's advice to buy them from Balamban nurseries. But I wanted to save on the driving time.

Anyway, I bought 2 roses, 1 carnation, 2 peonies, 2 petunias and 3 mini-roses. I had no idea why. Here they are looking like a salad bowl:

The hard leafy succulent in the middle was the only one living in this urn before the others. She is a proud plant, and has since continued to thrive (and has even given birth to more shoots) even with the unwanted company.

After having replanted all of them, I started to realize the disaster I created. You see the peonies and the petunias hate the sun and need lots of water. The roses, on the other hand, love the sun and thrive on less water. The succulent in the middle doesn't care, as long as you leave her alone.

I tried to mitigate the problem by planting the shady plants (hehe) away from the sun. But they will all have to be watered the same way. At this point, it was just a matter of time before one of these guys give up. :(

I got them at a nice time because they were flowering like crazy. Any good gardener knows it should be best to cut the flowers off while the plant has just been replanted to allow it to spend its energy taking root. Flowers, though pretty, take a up a lot of a plant's energy and nutrients. Well, considering flowers are basically reproductive organs, that should make sense. They want to get laid like any other living creature (haha).

Well, I am a lousy gardener and let the flowers stay because they looked nice.

Check out the stalkers at the back! Haha..

Eventually I found the roses couldn't take up much of the weight of the flowers. They were practically bowing to the ground, helplessly trying to get rid of their flowers. I finally decided to cut them off and they found their way inside the house.

That's a Gerber bottle, our family doesn't believe in trash.

Those cold cuts are calling out my name. Yum!

A few days ago, I started to notice one of the mini-roses has been shedding its leaves. I ignored them at first and Banne did say that was normal. Well, after a few days, I saw they were definitely dying! I realized I may have planted the roses in too deep in the urn. It couldn't get any sun from where it was. All the other plants covered it. Here it was in better days:

I can still hear her in my head. :(

Funny thing these roses are. For some reason, we as a people have elected them the official flower of love. They are still the most bought flowers during Valentine's and every one has a favorite rose color. But very few people realize how really hardy these plants are. They crave the sun and they don't need much watering. Our househelper told me in the mountains, she would see roses thriving under the heat of the sun, on almost dry ground. They can also protect themselves just fine from predators, what with their thorns.

We all should learn about love from roses. It was Paul who said in Corinthians 13:7: Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Well, here it is now. Replanted and awaiting better days.

Hang in there, buddy. :(

Basil Valdez: A Gardening Story

One time while I was surfing the web, I chanced upon this picture:

I couldn't even remember where I saw this, if you own this picture, please let me know.

The pictured uncovered in me a long held secret: I wanted to be a gardener. Of course I did not know anything about gardening. The first and probably only thing I have successfully grown were some alugbati (Basella alba) shoots my mother and I planted in our backyard when I was just a boy. The moment they showed leaves, we promptly cooked them for dinner.

I was convinced I needed to make a vertical garden. With the most exotic ferns and a self-irrigation system I would build with my own hands. My wife had some apprehensions about my plan, naturally. You see, we as a couple have never taken to plants kindly. In our first apartment, my mother-in-law showered our front lawn with pots of greenery. She gave us orchids, a nice pine-looking shrub, a hardy snakelike fern -- you can really tell I have a vast knowledge of plant names -- and lots of succulents. I think save for the snakelike fern, we killed them all! (Side note: we also had a wild okra living in our lawn which we intentionally and repeatedly tried to kill, but it survived each murderous attempt.)

Then I discovered The Horticult and got hooked. Warning: If you remotely like plants and value your time, do not click that link.

It was then decided that I start small. I should probably convince my self, along with my household, that I have green thumb before I can get anywhere near a vertical wall. Over a nice breakfast of a simple Italian insalata dish of bread, basil and tomatoes, it was decided that I plant basil first.

This meal is too simple to prepare, it shouldn't be called a meal. But it is. And it is delicious!

Fist, is the business of looking for soil. I remembered there is a gardening store near our office and I took a look during lunch break. I didn't realize it was also a full-blown nursery! There I met an old woman who was the caretaker of the place. She showed me around, but refuses to have her picture taken.

You can see the quick-footed manang in red a bit here. Man, she could navigate that garden with her eyes closed! 

Passing by this row of ferns, I whispered to them an ominous, "Soon."

I asked to buy a pot of soil, and she sold me a nice loose one for 20 bucks. Nice.

I got some basil plants from SM grocery store and re-potted them the next day. Full disclosure: Officemates gifted me with a basil seedling once, but it never got re-potted and died a sudden death. We named that plant Basil Valdez after a Filipino singer. Before its demise, Basil Valdez did contribute to a lot of omelettes and even gave a leaf or two for a pesto experiment. You did good, Basil.

In honor of Basil Valdez, the new basil plants have been Christened Basils Valdez. Here they are after 2 weeks:

THEY LIVE!!!

Having assured myself somehow that I can make plants grow, it was time for Phase 2: The Flower Patch Urn. Here's a sneak peak:

Properly filtered Lo-Fi of course, for maximum dramatic impact.

Will tell you all about Phase 2 in the next blog.

Miriam Santiago's Humanism Speech

This was a testimony in Church back in 2009 and I dug it out because I believe it is timely. Sen. Santiago delivered her speech in my alma mater and it was a triumph of Humanism, a philosophy I have long fell out of. We both used Invictus for vastly different reasons. You can watch her full speech here.

Photo: Cebu Daily News

I am the youngest in a family of five. Growing up, I was told to identify myself as a Protestant. I've always found this a little weird as a child, since I was never told what I was protesting against. One of my earliest memories as a child was the sound of Christian hymnals with the familiar organ accompaniment. I grew up listening to pastors read their sermons and choirs sing the Hallelujah chorus. I've always known that little secret that it was grape juice they served as wine during communion Sundays. My mother always left some for me to drink because I always asked for it.

So I knew about Christ even before. I have always known He was my friend and that He loves me. But honestly, I did not think it mattered so much.

When it was time for me to go to UP, I had the shock of my life. Here was a place where nobody cared about my religion. In fact, the school I came from actively discourages religion in the campus. Professors would easily ridicule student who would so much give a hint of Christian belief. Prayers were literally illegal in the classrooms.

Immediately, I blended into the UP culture. It was rather easy for me to get along with people who doubted the existence of God, rejected the existence of God or hated God just because it was fashionable to do so. If there is no God, then we had nowhere else to turn to but ourselves. We believed that Man is in himself valuable. That he determines his own truth. Some friends of mine practiced Witchcraft because they think it was right, some conveniently switched genders because they think it was right, some became Communists and felt compelled to destroy the notion of God. We had a fancy way of calling our belief: Humanism. It was every man for himself – every man believing his own truth.

Sure, it was chaos, we were sad and discontented. But we never admitted this. William Ernest Henley's poem could very well have been our anthem: I am the master of my fate/ I am the captain of my soul. 

Of course even in the University, there will always be some brave Christians from Campus Crusade for Christ who would approach me and share the gospel. One day, a classmate of mine, who everyone knew back then was a Christian, talked to me about the sacrifice of Christ on the cross. At the end of his talk, he graciously offered that Jesus is the only way to God. I was angry at him. How dare he say that! Doesn't he know that this religion he is pushing is overly outdated?! If this was the God he is pushing for, there must be a better God. I shouted at him, and he never shared the Gospel to me again.

Then as now, I have always liked to listen to music. I particularly enjoyed alternative rock music. One day, I heard a song with a very catchy refrain – Unforgetful You by a band called Jars of Clay. I was intrigued by the lyrics of the song, because it sounded quite different from the usual songs I listened to.

After some research, I found out the band was a Christian band. I was intrigued and felt out of place. I began to like the band a lot, and I started collecting their CDs. Their message was clear and simple: there is a God who loves me. Some songs cry with frustrations, some danced with joy but always, always, the image of a loving God was present.

I never realized it at that time but a little known Christian band from Tennessee, USA will pave the way to my finding Christ. Soon, I was listening to Switchfoot, then to Newsboys. Soon enough, I discovered the Hillsong bands which softened my heart for my Lord and Savior.

During those times, I was already working in Manila. I looked for a Church but settled with CCF St. Francis because honestly it was the nearest from where I stayed. I started regularly attending Sunday services and had my fill of spiritual food. Christian friends started giving me books to read: Joshua Harris, Philip Yancey, Ravi Zacharias, C.S Lewis. I read and I read. I searched the God of my boyhood that I had rejected for myself.

Right now, I am back in Cebu and serving the church. God has blessed me with many, many things including the Prayer Ministry and the Tech Ministry during Sundays. Through these ministries, God teaches me the virtues of service and dependent living. God has found me a place in a DGroup of 9 goofy young men who truly, truly love God. I am continuously being blessed by the lives of my brothers in our DGroup. And of course God has given me my most cherished blessing – a girlfriend with whom I serve the Lord. [Spoiler Alert: She turned out to be my wife!]

Truly, the Humanistic beliefs I have embraced before cannot stand in the face of God's love. What I thought was a modern philosophy is really as old as the Garden of Eden when Adam decided to trust his own self and not God. Now I know that man only has a value because God loved him. Take away God from the equation, and man is worth nothing.

If you are sitting here right now and you are living your life in your own terms, according to your own definition of right and wrong, I challenge you to do 3 things:

• This might sound harsh but hear me out: Get over yourself. Sure you are smart, probably talented, but you don’t need me to tell you that yourself can only take you so far.
• Invite Jesus in your life. With whatever little faith you have, give it to him. Be still and know that He is God. Seek Him, James 4:8 says draw near to God and he will draw near to you.
• Be in the company of Christians from whom you can learn of God's marvelous plans. 

Know this for sure: Jesus loves you very, very much and even if you shout at people who tell you this, His love will find you out.

Mobile Board and Enterprise Meetings Made Possible by Anywhere Pad

Have you ever had to postpone a leisure trip because of an important meeting? Wouldn't it be great if you didn't have to choose one over the other?

Luckily, in this modern age, you can go on a holiday and attend a work meeting at the same time. Gone are the days when meetings meant huddling with other participants in one room. Now, all you need is a reliable Internet connection, a mobile device, and a meeting app like Anywhere Pad.

Anywhere Pad is a cross-platform board portal solution that works on both iPads and Android tablets. Its main purpose is for high-powered board meetings attended by directors, but it can also be used for other enterprise meetings as well.

As a board portal solution, Anywhere Pad facilitates the entire board meeting process by automating all the steps – from sending out invitations to archiving post-meeting documents – and transferring them to a central platform where documents are hosted and remote meetings are held. Administrators can use Anywhere Pad to prepare for and manage board meetings, while directors can use it to access their board packs and collaborate with their fellow directors at any given time and place.

Thus, administrators and directors alike are more mobile than ever. They can access everything they need whether they're at the office or at a beach villa in the Caribbean. This is especially helpful for directors who are often on the go. Even when they're physically absent from a meeting, they can still virtually attend, thanks to real-time synchronized views and freehand annotations.

But this doesn't mean security takes a backseat. If anything, Anywhere Pad zeroes in on security to ensure sensitive information is safe in both storage and transmission.

To see Anywhere Pad and its many features in action, request for a demo or quote.

Breakfast Kiddie Meals

We do not close our eyes to the problem of malnutrition and its direct effect on learning. In our country, the brighter students are always the richer ones because they get to have full stomachs before reaching the school. Academic performance is then a product of financial capability.

It used to be that breakfast was the most important meal of the day. In fact, it was more than a meal, it was the very symbol of a loving and adequate family. Nanay would lovingly prepare the meal. In the Philippines, it doesn't take long to prepare: fry some rice from last night's leftovers, slice up some fresh tomatoes, and fry some dried fish or (if there's any) corned beef. Before eating, Tatay would lead the prayer of thanksgiving for another day ahead. It was a time when the whole family can be together.

Photo: Associated Press/Aaron Favila 

For all its good intentions, this bill advocating free breakfast in all public elementary schools cannot replace that. The state cannot be too overreaching in its role to take over the family. A people that so evidently places a premium on the family -- kapamilya, kapuso, kabarkada, etc -- cannot in good conscience relinquish the institution of breakfast to the government. It doesn't do anything to strengthen the Filipino family.

It is a band-aid solution to the bigger problem of joblessness, which is a direct symptom of corruption. We cannot pretend to be a welfare "nanny" state when the government is far too corrupt a nanny. It will do our legislators a lot of good if they focus on the fight against corruption while it is gaining much momentum now thanks to Pres. Aquino. As custodians of our taxes, the government is yet to prove itself responsible before it starts buying breakfast kiddie meals and flirting with other socialist policies.